I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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