i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
