The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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