I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize