I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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