life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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