I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
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