Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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