come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
