Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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