I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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