one might say we're banned from that church
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
