have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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