If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
