did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
