im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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