I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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