i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
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