there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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