Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
