My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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