This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
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