So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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