Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
