careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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