i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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