You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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