my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
