Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
