Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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