just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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