so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
