This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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