I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
