Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
