My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Just pee around me
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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