He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
