Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
