yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
