he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
