He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
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bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
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As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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