I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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