Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
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Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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