At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
