I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
50% drunk capacity currently
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
