There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
