a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
