peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
