I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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