i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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