dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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