Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
