If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
