Your mouth is God's brothel.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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