So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I will be naked everywhere
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
