In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
