I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
sex in a hospital.. check
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
