Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
