I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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