Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
