wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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