Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....