just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
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I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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