Texts From Last Night

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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.

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  (505): He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis. http://tfl.nu/qfyr
  Replies (37) Good night (4323) Bad night (651)
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  (760): View more from California

  I wish they had nachos that got you drunk

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  (760): I wish they had nachos that got you drunk http://tfl.nu/1jvf
  Replies (17) Good night (4512) Bad night (669)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.

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  (586): Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet. http://tfl.nu/oze0
  Replies (13) Good night (731) Bad night (3779)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?

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  (847): I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me? http://tfl.nu/3ncq
  Replies (5) Good night (1390) Bad night (3998)
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  (626): View more from California

  Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.

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  (626): Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting. http://tfl.nu/7nt8
  Replies (30) Good night (806) Bad night (4514)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card

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  (317): my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card http://tfl.nu/9m1o
  Replies (39) Good night (1445) Bad night (3806)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.

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  (519): Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes. http://tfl.nu/ehgd
  Replies (35) Good night (1095) Bad night (8135)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink

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  (210): I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink http://tfl.nu/9ici
  Replies (9) Good night (8179) Bad night (1322)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.

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  (512): I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters. http://tfl.nu/dc1b
  Replies (1) Good night (1165) Bad night (759)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker

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  (603): you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker http://tfl.nu/4u00
  Replies (16) Good night (1796) Bad night (536)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war

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  (403): I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war http://tfl.nu/prlf
  Replies (2) Good night (369) Bad night (647)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.

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  (414): No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma. http://tfl.nu/kebr
  Replies (0) Good night (1045) Bad night (318)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.

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  (202): A big toe in my vag is not foreplay. http://tfl.nu/p4zv
  Replies (13) Good night (476) Bad night (1869)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?

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  (306): your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple? http://tfl.nu/b4ff
  Replies (15) Good night (859) Bad night (337)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop

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  (618): i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop http://tfl.nu/c36z
  Replies (0) Good night (504) Bad night (276)

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