My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Let's get the cat blown out
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.