Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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