Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
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He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
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He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.