Texts From Last Night

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  (216): View more from Ohio

  he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out

  (513): View more from Ohio

  so is it as big as he says?

  (216): View more from Ohio

  he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit

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  (216): he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out (513): so is it as big as he says? (216): he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit http://tfl.nu/hksl
  Replies (42) Good night (6150) Bad night (734)
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  (714): View more from California

  He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.

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  (714): He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth. http://tfl.nu/egoc
  Replies (28) Good night (4100) Bad night (1749)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.

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  (703): just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress. http://tfl.nu/rj37
  Replies (7) Good night (2219) Bad night (3927)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope

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  (412): basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope http://tfl.nu/brdy
  Replies (28) Good night (1226) Bad night (4655)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  a search helicopter?!

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  (301): a search helicopter?! http://tfl.nu/5l8d
  Replies (25) Good night (5294) Bad night (1200)
• Favorite

  (276): View more from Virginia

  I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.

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  (276): I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences. http://tfl.nu/f9jw
  Replies (8) Good night (3251) Bad night (764)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.

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  (330): we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it. http://tfl.nu/vxbj
  Replies (3) Good night (619) Bad night (2017)
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  (415): View more from California

  I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.

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  (415): I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food. http://tfl.nu/ruld
  Replies (6) Good night (2192) Bad night (929)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.

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  (970): I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message. http://tfl.nu/3foq
  Replies (6) Good night (1965) Bad night (566)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  that's how you measure success

  (1-401): View more from Rhode Island

  By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?

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  (401): that's how you measure success (1-401): By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday? http://tfl.nu/varj
  Replies (7) Good night (1254) Bad night (399)
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?

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  (520): Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight? http://tfl.nu/4mcq
  Replies (3) Good night (834) Bad night (321)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.

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  (905): downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade. http://tfl.nu/mls1
  Replies (4) Good night (833) Bad night (231)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink

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  (303): And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink http://tfl.nu/e5yq
  Replies (0) Good night (323) Bad night (445)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.

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  (707): You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks. http://tfl.nu/val7
  Replies (2) Good night (254) Bad night (482)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.

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  (540): I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave. http://tfl.nu/cws2
  Replies (2) Good night (497) Bad night (256)

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