Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Send help, water and tortillas.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up