I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Text me some of your sweat
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
