Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
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she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
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I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.